All you have to do is know where you’re going. The answers will come to you of their own accord.
Even though I am intellectually aware we resolved all that we had to before his death, one of the things I have come to realise is that emotional uncertainty is the major component of grief.
We wonder, is there an afterlife, where did your soul go? We question everything and sometimes, on some days, it seems that the only person in the world who can help us is gone, forever. This is the nature of understanding forever, and what it means.
These are some of the questions I wonder about.
Were you afraid when you knew you were dying? Did you want us there with you?
Was there something you still wanted to say?
Can you please tell me all the stories of all the moments of your life? I promise to sit very still and not fidget and listen.
Was there something you needed me to say?
Did you know that I would do my best to tell my children about you, so that they could get to know you at least a little?
Do you know that we loved you, forgave you, and that such love can redress the fights, the hurts and the anger of our lives together?
The answers to these questions will never really be known…and yet…
And yet, we are all capable of answering these, as parents, as family members, as people in our various communities and social circles. We can provide answers to these and so many other questions to those we love and those we do not love. We can do this now, today, not on some deathbed fantasy. We can do this by living honestly and openly, in whatever form that takes. As long as we live authentic open lives, then we have nothing to fear, no questions to ask, no answers yet to be answered.